Worst PJ ever!

You know there should be law against people like this guy. Picture this...you had a very busy day (and dat too after a long time). Imagine roaming around in the city in the temperature of 34 degree, sun draining out your energy and patience..u got the picture na. So after such a day you come back home and you login on Gtalk to catch up with some friends.
And you came across this fella who completely drains you out by PJs!
Sample this conversation I had with spectator (referred to here as S). My thoughts are in italics:
S: 4 elephants sitting on a tree branch. one of them falls off. Why?
Me: Dunno
S: There wasnt space enuff for him.
Me: Kya bakwaas!
S: Another elephant falls down. Now tell me why?
This time i tried to play along. I tried my hand at it and it was best by my standards.
Me: To accompany the earlier one
S: No! First elephant had caught on to his leg so he also got carried down.
Me: ????????????
S: Ok now one more of them falls down. Guess why?
Me: No clue
S: No! He thought its a jumping competition.
Me: I gotta go to market.
S: Arrey wait na. Achcha the last one also falls down. Y?
Me: to accompany others?
S: No baba. The tree pushed him. Then the tree also fell down.
Me: Beyond me to guess.
S: Coz tree thought he is also an elephant.
Aaarrrrgggghhhhh! What can i loose if I kill this guy? I think I can plead not-guilty on grounds of self-defence! Any lawyers out there?
So Spectator, I admit when it comes to cracking PJs, you take the cake, oven, bakery and baker!!!! But for christ sake, Spare me!!!!!!!

Going back to forwards

Empty mind is a devil's workshop. But my mind has become a time machine taking me on nostalgic trips down the memory lane.
Its been a good 6-7 years since I opened my 1st e-mail account on Rediff (I wasn't much of a computer addict back than and dis e-mail account also I opened coz one of my friends was going outta Delhi..so it was more of a 'have to' thing for me). But later on I got kinda addicted to it. That excitement of composing e-mails and more than writing, reading e-mails. A new way of doing things. Funny coz dat time I dint really get any mails of significance (not dat i get them now even but..wateverrr) still that anticipation while opening the inbox of ur mail ID and reading 'you have x new/unread mails'...priceless! And since there wasn't anything of significance sent to me, what i looked forward to were the Forwards. Yup those non-personal mails dat u get telling you some story, joke and mostly some sorta funny animation, often with a trail of previously forwarded IDs.
Now there are many who find them irritating, impersonal (Someone send some crappy joke to 100 people and he/she clicked on your name too..big deal! just makes you part of the crowd) and complete junk eating into the storage space of your mail account..blah blah blah.
But heylo.....they are not meant as someone-is-thinking-about-you token! And they are not crappy alwayz.. u get quiet interesting pics and links through forwards. Though i admit those chain mails are indeed a pain in u-know-what. Curse of the evil tweety (how can such a cute bird be termed evil!), God's eye (an image clicked by space station..talk of superstition and science going hand in hand) and Virgin Mary's boon...you name it. These will come with a condition that send it to 10 friends in next 1 hour or you'll be cursed for the next 10 years blah blah blah. That really bugs no end.
I don't forward them ahead but so far i havnt been haunted by any evil spirit (I guess so!)
Other than that, I dont have any issues with forwards. Too bad i dont get them anymore what wid all my friends buzy wid office and all. But still when i am on nostalgic trips like these, I go through some of my old mails...feels good:)

Facing a wrong choice

"Life is all about the choices you make"
This is something i have alwayz lived by. There is nothing like pre-defined course of life. You, your actions and your choices have the power to shape your life and decide its course.
But what you do when you make a wrong choice? (To err is human, you cant alwayz be right na.) You made a choice that seemed like just the right path infact almost tailor made for you but as you progressed along, you realize its the wrong way! Forget the right it doesn't even lead to wrong way...it leads to a dead end. No where to go from there. And you have come a long way...too far to turn and change course. Now what- Stop rite there? or continue walking till you reach the end? And then wat?
In times like these, I wish oh-how-much-i-wish to play the blame game..if there was some way to shift the blame to someone else..maybe god, maybe destiny or just anything dammit!! I dint know it was wrong path..it seemed rite dat time. y will i choose something so bad for myself! But like someone told me last evening, maybe it was my delusion which made me see it as right course..i saw what i wanted to see and moved on.
Oh well, whom am i kidding. I made a choice and now i gotta stick to it, come what may.
And maybe its not an end after all. I guess I need to look at it closely, i might find a way out. Yaaaa..dats the way to look at it:)

Kinda messed up so took it all out here.

Wrong Number

Seems like this is season for Flash back trips for me. Got reminded of this wrong number call I got a few years back. I was having my final year exams. Next day was my paper for an exceptionally tedious and boring paper and I was at my wit's end.
TRING TRING
Me: Hello?
He: Hello..how are you?
Me: aaaa Hi, who is this?
He: Achcha, so now you don't even recognize me huh

Me: mmmmmmm Im sorry bt i really am not able to place you.
He: Ok tell me dis evening's plan is confirmed or u want to cancle it again?
Me: Huh? Sorry. Wrong number.

TRING TRING
Me: Hello
He: So you are still angry?
Me: Listen its a wrong number!
He: Ok baba. Im sorry for what happened ok. Ab theek hai?
Me: Listen, you have dialled wrong number ok.

TRING TRING
Me:
He: Dekho pushpa, ye jo tumahra attitude hai na, ye bahut galat hai. Arrey every time u do the same thing. I wont tolerate it anymore!!
Me: huh??? You check the number you have dialled ok. Stop pushing the re-dial button!!

Finally I had to switch off the phone. If I hadn't been so pre-occupied with my exam, It would be have been fun playing around but the timing was wrong:(
Hope dat Mr. who-so-ever-he-was was able to contact who-so-ever-he-wanted-to. Poor thing sounded completely exhausted.lolz!

Office Vocabulary

Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere)!!! How many of these have you come across;)

1. BLAMESTORMING:Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
3. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard .
4. SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
5. CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
6. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
7. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
8. SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
9. STRESS PUPPY:A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
10. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
11. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
12. IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are Annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.
13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
14. ADMINISPHERE:The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
15. 404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could not be located.
16. GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.
17. OHNOSECOND:That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email by mistake).
18. WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks.
19. CROP DUSTING:Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm.

Penning down...

Last evening my mom's request to copy a few pages from some book for her brought me face to face with my friend from bygone era..My pen. I picked it up and sat down to complete the chore set down by my mom. What once was enjoyable seemed a struggle to me. "dats strange" I thought.
I picked up my pen close. We saw each other; as one sees a long lost friend. I think i had a smile of recognition on my face (cudnt see it obviously), I saw a smile of hurt.
"Hey, how r u? Long time huh?" I said starting up a conversation.
"Long time? make that 2 years and dunno how many months. Is dats how u keep in touch?" There was complain in that voice.
"Well I started with my office and there i was buzy with things. Just dint have time to get back to old hobbies. Its not i forgot you people..I couldn't spend a day without you two yaar, dont u know it!" I retorted at this complain, refusing to be held guilty.
"Hmph...if you can spend 2 years away from your friends then they are no longer part of your everyday life for sure. And you know it very well. The past tense in your words says it all sweetie."
"Ofcourse not!"I reverted back but defied conviction in my own words. I knew I had let them down.
Things had changed and how. From times when I couldn't get 2 straight lines outta my head without a pen held in between my fingers to today when I can't think without the feel of electronic keys positioned beneath my finger tips. After my final year exam for graduation 2 years back, I don't remember writing words for even half a page...It never went farther then a few lines.
Technology wat else!
"Are you writing it or again stuck to your phone?" My mom inquired.
I continued my struggle to copy down the words in a handwriting i could barely recognize..and read.

Talk Talk Nonstop

TRAI says Indians talk the most on mobile phones after their counterparts in US. Well so we do.
Its interesting to note how people talk on phone. If he/she is on the move as in walking, they stop in their way to talk while there are others who if sitting will starting walking (mostly in to-n-fro motion).
They'll whisper while talking to someone sitting across them in a restaurant but give them a call and they'll scream at the top of their voice.
And the most interesting one is when someone receives a call while in a noisy place like a bus. "Hello. Im in bus rite now n its too noisy. cant hear you properly. Will talk to u later ok...haan bolo...achcha? toh usko bolo ki kal aayega...nahi aaj its not possible. baad mien baat karta hun ok...haan...kal? kitne baje? see if u can arrange for the tickets...ok..haan...." and it goes on getting regularly punctuated with talk-to-you-later!
And man the stuff people talk about. You can find housewives discussing some recipies, latest twist in daily soap, maid trouble, kids-dont-listen-to-me, where to buy what from and ofcourse the latest purchase...ofcourse list dosnt end here.
Shopkeepers and vendors require cell phone to take orders for home delivery of vegetables, fruits n grocery items. "Madam, aap hamara number le lijiye. phone karke bata dijiye kina samaan chahiye. hum pahucha denge"
Maids (who des days are almost as imp in running the house as lady of the house) need to keep track of all the houses they need to go to. "Hello madam, haan main aa rahi hun. Abhi 506 mein hun. Aadhe ghante mein aa jaungi. Arrey nahi madam main chutti pe nahi hun"
And ofcourse there is another segment of people like yours truely for whom mobile is a means to overcome boredom, occasional bouts of insomnia when i call up my friends @ 2AM in the nite only to ask 'Wassup? Sleeping kya?'. (hahahahaha..im sure one of des dayz, i'll be murdered for this.)
Besides boredom, keeping in touch with your friends, bitching, gossiping (dats true only for gals...maybe), cribbing blah blah blah. So many things you need this phone for.
My dad sayz phone is a added hassle which people have made out as a necessity..world functioned perfectly fine 2 decades back.
Well dad. i dunno how people lived in dos times (i was too small) but 2day, I dont think we can and..oh 1 sec..i got a call.

Also read Talkative Indians

I Wish...

Remember the fable where a man was granted 3 wishes? Well sometimes I too long for such an opportunity. Only problem would be how to accommodate my wish list in just 3?
I wish it snowed in Delhi..in JUNE!
I wish I could fly n go anywhere...at least i'll be spared the traffic jams.
I wish I could eat eat n eat without putting on even an ounce of weight (not that it bothers me even now.)
I wish no one smoked on this earth (for details, read this)
I wish my mom would stop asking me to clean up my room:(
I surely wish I can remember the names of people i meet with their faces. Imagine when I come across someone in a mall or multiplex greeted with a big Hiiiiiiii, a hug, smile n all that. n all this while im staring blankly at the fella wondering, " I know i have seen this fella somewhere. I know him. but what the devil is his name?"
I wish to be able to get movie tickets for any movie, any time, any where. Even if i try to get tickets for a Prime Time show of a so called block buster at like 5 minutes before the show begins.
I wish my friend (lemme not name her) stops giving me a piece of her mind everytime i tell her about some acquaintance i made online.
I wish people would stop asking me n my mom about my shaadi. Its not gonna be for atleast another 5 years ok. n how the devil is it anymore concern to you!?!
I wish I could clear out memory of any bad words i said to someone dear (unknowingly) or any bad decisions i made (wow...dat was senti type)

They say, If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
Im glad it's true. coz u see..i don't know riding:P

Experienced Serendipity?

Watched this movie few dayz back. Fine so it was released in 2001 but i watched it a few years later..big deal! For the unawares, Serendipity is the effect by which one accidentally discovers something fortunate, especially while looking for something else entirely. in short, accidental good fortune.
Though im not one for the mushy mushy fairy tale romance, i kinda liked the movie not to mention cute John Cusack;) but this is not about the movie.

It reminded me of a few incidences in my own life when I found something
while looking for something completely different (Though as things happen with me, i NEVER NEVER NEVER find the thing im lookin for @ the time im lookin for it but...whateverrrrrr!). Like when I was looking for a mag (some stupid stuff for
pass time), came across Alchemist by Paulo Coelho n bought it purely outta impulse.
Or when I was about to leave my job but had a chat wid my newly appointed boss n decided to stay.Met great people & learned a lot in those few months.
Or when during my annual room-tidying-up, I found my notebook with my music notes (Ahem, i was into singing once). I wrote it when i was in class 7- dats lk 10 yrs back!! I thought i had lost it somewhere.
I got to know about one of my very good friends after a gap of 8 years through his neighbour who happened to be my classmate. It was wonderful reliving through all those moments again while talking.
Went to watch Vivah (Ok...spare me the raised eyebrows n exclaimations!), dint get the tickets (reached late dats y) ended up watching Guru n simply loved it.
And many such incidences...they arnt big by any means. They dont effect the way you think, the way you react or even your outlook towards life..No way! But in your mundane life running after things when the only good fortune you expect is possibly lesser traffic n stoppage time @ the traffic lights, when you come across something like this, it makes you stop for a second and simply SMILE!!

So have a Smiling day:)


PS: Come to think of it, y did i include the movie? mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Whateverrrrrr!