Wednesday 4 June 2008

Starting all over again

What does a pavement chalk artist go through when his labor of hours in creating a vision on the footpath gets ruined by rain...and he cant do anything other than just sit and watch it all wash by?
or when your sand castle gets washed away by waves of the sea?
the irony is that in all these cases, the end result was both evident and expected. the chalk artist cudnt possibly have expected his creation to remain there for days. Similarly, sea waves were not an unexpected catastrophe, was it?
then y does one invest so much of energy, dedication and emotions in those creations? and if it does then y rnt we mentally prepared wen all that is taken away from us..y does it hurt so bad?
She was living a nightmare where she is dropped in the middle of a desert and her ctretches are taken away from her. Can she walk without them? she dsnt know cos she never tried. and now she is scared to try...to even think about it.
He was her support system...in a way he was the reason for her existence. She never lived a life for herself, she simply was never aware of this concept. her day started and ended with him, in her quest to make his life easy, she never got time to notice her own quality of life. Was she happy? dat was directly proportional to his happiness. Was she satisfied with her life? this was an alien question to her since neither did she recognise her own life nor the significance of this question.
And now after 48 years to togetherness, he left her. Suddenly she is facing a huge void in her life which she has to fill. only that she dsnt know what she shud fill it with? What next? what now? Its not that this was never to happen, infact she saw it coming but somehow she cudnt prepare herself for this. how does one prepare to face a wipe out...her life was wiped out. she had a clean slate in her hand and she had to start afresh.
Could she do it; she didn't know. She had never tried and now what did she have a reason to? why? what for? "Live for yourself now. Do things you always wanted to do, go to places." people told her. But her wishes and desires were loooong ago buried under her responsibilities. She cudnt remember what was the last thing she really wished for that was for herself. now she just have a life to live but nothing to live it for...she is looking for another reason to live...its sad she is not capable of living her life for her self anymore.

1 comment:

SilenceKilled said...

"its sad she is not capable of living her life for her self anymore."
It's really sad...I simply don't like the fact, that all people expect out of a female is to live life selflessly..And ya, most of them, do live it that way...I believe, all these things should be done, if one's heart asks for so..not because that is the way, people want you to live...One should try to have a life of their own, even though caring and loving their dear ones...Just a thought!